In Memorium
by October Sky
Summary: The day of rescue through the eyes of a castaway. Disclaimer: Lost belongs to J.J. and co at ABC.


In Memorium

The sun beat down on the shores of the south pacific, blinding his eyes as he remained silent, watching the uncaning movement of the castaways he had long befriended gather their things for a last goodbye. But no one talked to him. Asked him if he was okay. Asked him how he felt about this. The man, whose name he never heard, always seeking shelter within himself, knowing that the more people he met, the more he'd have to know, was hugging a crying woman, telling her everything would be okay. But no one told him everything would be okay. He just sat there, moping, watching..

Moving slowly, he passed through the well-worn trails that had been untouched for years before its new occupants, breaking off branches with a soft crack. Out here, as two of the survivors had found out, the sun could just seep through the jungle's radiant leaves, giving himself the glow he didn't need as the shadows faded around him. In the distant the sound of a plane engine began to rumble, a sound that he was all too familiar with. But he knew it would still be a while before it took off, and he savored for those last few moments.

Entering the center of a circle of trees, he let himself feel free, resting against the hard bark, just praying for relief that he knew he never get. And it would be even worse when they left. He had always been the loner, never knowing answers, though he never gained the courage to ask, just letting fate take over him. It was his destiny, he knew, to help, or at least to try.

He had learned the stories of his fellow castaways. The heartless tales of depression and loss, and when the second chances came to them they grabbed, tugging him for moral help, drawing him of energy as he decided to shut off. But when one prayed for comfort, reasoning, he had to recharge and let them lean on his shoulders. A job he was far too used to, and not good enough yet, because he knew with his own faults and mistakes, he only shoved them away, scaring some with his behavior that they could never understand.

Faults- that had never been able to understand. Why was he made this way, when he knew he was meant to save? He didn't understand it, and knew he couldn't. Help was offered by whoever was out there, but he shoved it away, remaining one.

Memories endured him, swallowing up his past in one gulp as he chewed away, biting off the edges. Too many people had come to him. Too many he couldn't help. And now after this solemn moment, he'd have to go back and do it again. He never got the chance to start over. He wanted it, he had it, but there was no possible way. Not with all these people. Not with their mistakes.

Peace would come at night, after he finally decided to store himself away for good, but always remained sleepless, making a rare noise of grief when he could no longer take it. Flames poured out around him in fires and hearts, and he felt overburdened, and the unfairness of the world hit him. There were so many others like him, but why him?

Stars would twinkle and he would just stare, naming them each by shape, something he had never mastered in the long-forgoten former life. The world moved too fast for him. The sun would rise and the moon would set, and he hadn't even gotten up yet. At least, that's how it was when he wasn't called upon. Others would get their answers while he hid, dwelling in the shadows, letting others see only small glimpses of him, and those they'd have to find themselves. It wasn't all that hard, he had decided one day, all they had to do was want it..maybe it was too easy.

Now the leaves above him rustled, and a soft autumn wind blew around him and he knew it was time to go. Turning, he forced himself back towards the former camp, listening to lyrics that filled the air, lyrics he was familiar with, hearing them repeated over and over again under a voice of hope.

He chuckled, knowing that he'd be waiting..always waiting..stationed in the pause between breaths..

As the last of the castaways boarded the plane and half of his heart went with them, where it would remain whether they liked it or not. The plane engine roared, and the windows were smeared as he stared out, straining to see..

And the island sighed as he watched discrete freedom fall into the heavens, dissolving into the sunset as he became nothing more than a strip laying on the horizon, disappearing into the deep depths of the blue oblivion..


End file.
